Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Wrong Attention

As third wheelers I suppose it would be safe to assume that we do not get a lot of attention from suitors and that we would welcome any attention.

Not so.  There is definitely such thing as the wrong type of attention!

At my job, I take one of my clients swimming at a hospital rehab pool.  Towards the end of March, a physical therapist from the hospital started coming with us to make sure we were on track with the client's swim routine.

The therapist was probably mid-forties, 5’9, and very granola!  She had graying, nappy black hair, not a stitch of makeup on, oh and did I mention, had hairy armpits that could have been braided or used to build a small bird’s nest.

I show up in my (unfortunately) low-cut swimsuit soaking up all the advice she has to give me.

The first day went great! I learned lots of exercises to do with my client.  The second day… not so fortunate L

Ms. Therapist would not stop staring at me!  And oh that sap-sick smile!  :S I nearly choked myself pulling my swimsuit top up!  Then there was the touching!  Touching my arms, my legs... ay-chi-wa-wa

After the swim session, I ran into her in the locker room as she was pulling her granny-panties up past her bellybutton.  Nearly out of breath at the sight of me, she thanked me for such a great day at the pool.  Perhaps it is personal, but I find people staring at you as you change in the locker room slightly uncomfortable!

Later my co-worker had the audacity to call Ms. Therapist my girlfriend!! Uggghh!  Needless to say, an oversized t-shirt has been worn in the pool since.

No. Not all attention is welcome! And this girl here will GLADLY keep her third wheeler seat warm for a while thank you very much!

ッ hyoid

Friday, April 8, 2011

Long Overdue Update and much needed Insight

  OKAY... so this is my first time contributing first hand to this epic little club (epic is my word of the day) so lets see how I do.
  Well A little background info to endear you readers to me i think would be appropriate... Or rather, how about a perfect situation that explains it all.

Note: If you are a third wheeler who struggles in dating, it will be good to read the notes i make, for i will be helping you with the dos and don'ts through first hand experiences.

        -When Hiking, Do not lead your date off a cliff.

   I know this sounds obvious to many, but this is information I sure wish I had the other week.

  So While being up here in the plains and valleys of Montana, Frying doughnuts at the lone bakery. I decided I needed a vacation to see if there was still any fire from an old flame that I have known since I was 3, down in the exciting town of Las Vegas. Well not really a flame, but a cute boy and our moms are best friends, you get the point.
  So as I arrive, it was great! he had these 2 cute flowers for me and was so fun and easy to talk to, and a really big sweetheart. So everything was fine and dandy.  Then I recommended we go hiking...
   So day 2, we head to Red Rock National Park.
The trail was very hard to follow so we lost it right away. And the thing about red rock, if you have never been there is that its pretty much a small mountain of boulders. so we start scaling this thing straight up.. not as intense as you are probably thinking, but still pretty intense ( hands and knees were required).
 After we enjoyed the glorious view at the top I started leading the way down....
  Now I guess you could say I am a bit competitive, so I didn't really pick the easiest way to start heading down....
  So I jump down off this 4 foot ledge in my own world, thinking he would be oh so impressed with my mountain goat hiking skills, when I hear a low cry and turn to find my nice handsome date landing the jump with his handsome face.
  I was horrified, he, I'm sure a little shocked and in pain... but it was too late, the damage was done... I didn't know till this point that he wasn't a big hiker.
(another dating tip: communicate, never assume)
He face was scraped and bleeding, a goose egg forming on his forehead, and he sprained his hand.

Then to further strip him any male pride that might have survived the fall (I guess I'm an all or nothing person). I had to hike in front of him pretending that i could only use one hand to make sure he could follow that route, I would then wait and help him through. I offered to carry the backpack, but he clung to it desperately like it was his last drop of surviving male ego, and was not going to surrender it (making it harder to get down)....

....... I guess you could say the rest is history. These are the kind of situations that make or break you... and, well he broke.

Thus I am back frying doughnuts in nowhere Montana.  But I am a glass full kind of gal, and I think you can always learn and take away small treasures of knowledge and insight in any situation.

#1- men are fragile, handle with care
and #2 -it is better to play helpless damsel in distress in these situations rather than Lewis and Clark.

NOTICE: Open Application at the Third Wheelers Club... :(

We regret to inform the world that our dearest third wheeler (and at this point sole writer) is leaving us.  The fabulous Deadpan has found her matching wheel.  We (Hyoid and Perfection) would like to take this time to formally congratulate the two happy wheels on their trail together.  This is a big step for Perfection and I letting our Deadpan go the way of all happy wheels... that is, wheels that have their match!

On the upside, you now get the opportunity to dive deeper into the lives and intellect of Perfection and I.  For you see, while Deadpan stayed at college, fate drew Perfection and I to the plains and valleys of Montana... no joke.  Thus insuring our status in the third wheelers club.

Also, we are currently taking applications for any ambitious third wheelers that want to make their status epic.  We recommend you first follow us and then comment your application on this post.


Note: Though our beloved Deadpan is now dead to us (no pun intended... ok maybe) yet is still invited to make posts and comments from the "paired off perspective" of things, there are a few things that we are looking for:

-finds humor in the most epic awkward situations
-chronically single
-lives their life as if it's being narrated
-finds comfort at the bottom of a bag of chips

 Hope that is not too overwhelming.


Hyoid and Perfection